Even though inside my head I'll probably never get older than 13, (I laugh at burps and farts, blush around boobs, and giggle everytime I hear someone refer to a female dog as a bitch), yet lately, I physically feel every one of my 17,378 days on this planet. More specifically, my lower back hurt so bad this morning that I couldn't bend down to tie my shoes. “Why?”, you ask in a befuddled tone of concern. “Are you a rodeo bull rider? A stuntman for Jackie Chan? An MMA cage fighter?”
Whatever, voices in my head. Everybody farts. BUT not everyone is at that magical age where you can't trust a fart. It's true! Believe it or not, your wrinkled stinker is a traitor, a prankster, a toothless liar! Your tailpipe finds an abundance of mirth and merriment pulling the old bait & switch: dry tooter or wet shooter. But, again, I digress.
As of today, October 3, 20024, I am officially 47 years, 30 weeks and one day old. Realizing this morning when I woke up that I was now 570.9 months into this beautiful journey called “My Life”, I had a brief moment of introspective reflection.
Hello,hope y'all doin good, i came to Quora to share my strange story , a very weird one , a story when luck smiled at me ,maybe u will enjoy it , let's begin,have fun...
A year ago ,I was a real porn addicted(btw I was 18) ,but never had sex before, I don't have a gf I didn't try to find one even ,always thinking to go to find a sex worker but then I just don't , everyday watching different bodies getting fucked and everyday enjoying.
One day, I was watching porn, a big ass lady with big boobs ,just after seeing her the image of my female cousin poped in my mind, (let's introduce her : she's 35 years old , very big ass , nice boobs ,not very big but nice,always wearing tight clothes , she's divorced ) and I thought of me fucking her ,I never had sexual desires for her but now I do days went by and when I met her I was so horny ,I couldn't stay with the family cz my penis was clearly erected , I realized this is my first time I get horny for one of my family ,it not illegal in my country.well to make a long story short( if u want details just text me I will tell u 😊),I decided to give her signs that I want to fuck her,finally I decided to have sex and with my cousin , I thought it is the best beggining for me, i started touching her when I came across her in a narrow place , make her feel my hard cock when we hug , I thought it will hard and I will be ashamed but no , I felt nothing and she said nothing , probably she thought it was by mistake,anyways, I decided then to talk with her about sex, waited for her to be alone in a room and talk with her, I confessed everything about me watching porn and addicted..etc,she said it's normal and u are growing up and u must have sex,well at that time I was like whaaat????? Well I didn't control myself and asked her for sex ( horny like I Ve never been before) she said that she will think Abt it ,2 weeka went by then she called me ,telling that she reserved a room in a hotel and we meet tonight ,we met,and bruuhh, sex is great , I mean, I had to find a pirstitue ,what I was waiting for to have such a feeling ????, I will never forget that night, I started kissing her she was kissing hard ,she misses sex so bad , she sucked my dick and swallowed my semen ,I felt I'm in a dream , then when fucked ,her ass was very big and the anus was open ,didn't struggle to get my hard cock inside it , she was obviously missing sex , she was shouting ,fuck me yh fuck me , I go fast after every word until I cum , we did that 3 times , then we went to her pussy , using condoms I fucked her so hard the moans were higher , everything was perfect ,in the end I asked her to lick her body , licked pussy ,ass, boobs,then she sucked my cock until we sleeped ,all I know that she was dirty ,well before even having sex with her I knew she is an open minded woman , and a woman that looks that she donesnt know anything , but she knows everything, but never expected having sex with her ,well she was horny and that helped...but no one of us regretted that sex ever..
We still have sex from time to time ,and I started having sex with sex workers , joining threesomes..etc
If u want pics of her text me.
Well, as much as I'd like to confirm any one of those voices in my head, it is with a heavy, honest heart that sadly, I have to say, “Nay… nay I am not. For the truth is…… I slept on it wrong.” That's right, I am at that wonderful age where it's possible to make mistakes in my sleep… horrible, painful mistakes.
You know that magical age where you hurt for no reason, you forget things almost…, and the sounds! Hot dog! The most horrific sounds randomly and alarmingly emit from your soul! I now grunt like a power-lifting Hobbit singing death metal eveytime I pull my shoes on, stand up, sit down, or when I try to squeeeeak out a fart. That's right, I now inadvertently grunt when I try to honk out a butt whistle. But I digress.
Since I'm currently 2,482 weeks + 4 days old, I think I'd like to see what week 2,483 has in store and then week 2,484 and so on. In conclusion, don't gamble with a fart, expect to hurt for no reason, and keep on truckin’. Life's too short, to live in the past.
Why do you think Democrat favorability ratings are so low?
“Oh, but I don't fart! I would never do that! I am above farting!”
